I'm young, but I can't fall in love

I want to ride on a hot air balloon, it takes you to unpredictable places, wherever the wind blows, the hot air balloon follows. The majestic view from the hot air balloon simply astonishes one (or so I assume). I want to ride on a hot air balloon, so that it'll take me some place far far away from home.

*

The road to self-discovery is never easy. Heck, even at 18, I'm still not familiar with myself, my strengths and weaknesses, I don't even know what's wrong with me. I'm confused. And fickle-minded. And I think I might just be PMS-ing.

I sat down with baby at West Coast Park's jetty a few hours ago and we had one of those intimate secret sharing sessions. It was very meaningful, he told me more about his family and his current situation, stuff he just protected me from. I shared with him my trauma of growing up. I guess I feel really insecure to grow up, but I am eager to leave MI and move on to uni (on which I have to work extremely hard for), but more of the fact that my parents don't allow me to grow up and explore my options or consider my opinions/feelings. I just feel so confined with those million and one rules and non-liberalist views from them, it just makes me feel hurt deep down when they really start becoming mean. I can't even have my own simple self-indulgence, like shopping, not even once without one of my parents nagging at my ears 'cause they think I have enough bags when I have only one usable handbag as compared to the not-so-little/little people whom daddy shower with gifts with those puppy dog eyes of theirs, without any hesitation. I swear I think my parents or only my dad has something against me for one of the most absurd reasons.


I don't know why but I'm just frustrated with the people around me, especially at home when everybody seems to get on my nerves. I'm either treated like a kid or invincible when I'm at home, that's when I'll lock myself in my room the whole day, not caring about the outside world unless its time to break fast. I know I'm not alone in this, I guess it's just a growing up phase to be rebellious, but after rebellion comes independence and more responsiblity, and that's what I'm looking forward to.












And I'll come back to you