Shout out

i will never ever ever ever never ever make someone wait for me for four hours ever ever again
i promise.
'cause i wouldn't want to wait that long for someone else either.
but he did, and i'm thankful for that and he made my day in the end as i was kinda tired and pissed and cramping and PMS-ing.
gosh my boyfriend's more patient than me. unbelievable.

Overprotected

my life is too personal to be shared, to be made into a big hoo-haa about, to be exposed.

only the closest lovelies get to know the dirty little secrets.


yes i know i am the eldest daughter of a well known prosecuter whom expects my other half to be as great as him.
well mom and dad, i'm not like you. i do mix around with people of different social classes, i don't judge them the way both of you do, for my new best friends in MI are not as affluent and snobbish as i am.

blame the school, blame yourselves for not being any stricter.
but how come you have never blame me for all of it?
so how the hell am i going to grow up and venture out in the harsh world, face reality if the both of you are overprotecting me too much ? i won't be your princess forever, i want to be a dominant, strong-headed woman of substance, the way i want to lead my life under my control. sure i will make mistakes here and there, some of which the both of you would not probably forgive me, but that's the whole process of growing up.

boys only want sex from girls. yeah, whatever mom and dad.
i am not THAT stupid to say bye-bye to my virginia.

i've always got the urge to tell my parent's that i'm crooked.
hey in my situation now, i think i shall tell them that i'm a lesbian.

Remedy needed

about a week till school reopens, and i felt that i totally lost my 2 months of holidays due to a hell lot of commitments. i so totally can count the number of days whereby i just totally stay at home - 8 days out of the whole 2 months of holidays. can one imagine the lack of sleep i have been deprived of, my 12 hours of standard beauty sleep plus my 2 hours of nap and countless of hours of idling. and even if i don't have any school related commitments or work, i have plans with my closest friends.


school commitments = diploma + dance practices + orientation preparation blah blah blah


my first job in my entire 17 years of existence has been kinda fun, considering that the work i'm doing (which is selling school uniforms) is not really that heavy, and the best part of all, i like to laugh at the parents and their kids. i have been doing service most of the time, since the manager observed that i interact with the customers rather well and i have very good estimation skills. my job has opened my eyes to the different types of parents - the really fussy ones, the carefree ones, the uptight ones, and me reminicsing those times when i bought my uniform with my mom and feeling rather embarrassing to try them on whenever i serve a kid and his or her parent(s). i always reassure those parents whom would want to get uniforms that are 2 sizes bigger so that they would save money when the kid grows so as not to buy new ones. goodness, the kid would feel damn uncomfortable in those ultra baggy uniform, and would definitely feel more embarrased when they wear such things every day in school.

most of my colleagues are O level takers whom are waiting for their results to be released. i kindo psycho-ed them about JC life sayin that its tough and all, considering the fact that i told them about my many many commitments. one of them even made a promise to herself not to get tempted by boys and not get attached till she's 21. i told her "honey everyone says that, including my friends and myself - looked what happened to all of us".

i was dragged to this job by girlfriend, but i'm glad she did 'cause i seem to enjoy it.

i have also been spending a lot of time with playhouse MOOney. gosh i love them so, all the funny wacky things we'd do together. not to mention the countless of dates ♥ .

with so many things going on, how can i not dread going to school in a couple of days time?


'now that is all said and done'

The way old friends do

nisa and i had a conversation whereby she told me all the juicy updates of our ex-classmates. you see, most of us have this mindset whereby we think boys are icky and useless. getting into a relationship with the opposite sex was out of our minds, as we totally despise them (i think all that brainwashing done by the teachers and nuns worked).

however, i am glad to know that most of us, including myself, have tone down that i-dont-need-boys-'cause-i-have-my-girls attitude as most of us got ourselves a boyfriend, even the most unexpected gawky or nerdy girls too are attached. and its just so sweet to see the relationships that blossomed with my KC loves and the lucky guys who got to be with them.

even though nisa still have feelings for me, she can't help but gush at me whenever i told her about baby, she has never felt this joyful for me before as she knows that baby's the one for me. i couldn't agree more, although most of the time he's a jackass (he admits it himself), i can just pour out my emotions to him just like any other girlfriends of mine and i feel so comfortable around him, and he feels the same way too. he gives me tingles in my heart whenever he touched me at the right spots and never fails to show his outmost sincerity towards me.

with all that talk about each other's boyfriends and all, its kind of a tradition that we KC girls must go on mass dates, as to get to know each other's partners. moreover, we all did promised each other that we'll invite each other to our weddings and stuff like that, not forgetting the close friends who get to be bridesmaids. we have already seen each other grow up, from seven-year-olds playing hopscotch to sweet sixteen-year-olds out to venture the world, we were able to witness the different transitions in each other and beyond. i find it so amazing that we are able to sustain our friendship until the end of time. so the saying is true, IJ friends are friends for life.




'it only takes a spark to get a fire going'

So Close

You’re in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I’m with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you’re beside me and look how far we’ve come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We’re so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let’s go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far


to my biggest romancer♥

Sight

today has been a long tiring day, from rushing into work to hanging out with the lovelies a.k.a the clique, to getting home past curfew and getting scolded (more like sarcastic remarks) from my mother and the guilt inside when i lied why i was home late to every single family member - my grandparents, my parents, my aunt and even my baby brother. on top of all that, i just feel really shattered today.

however, i did a good deed today. while the clique was waiting for fiona and fan zhi, i witnessed this man who knocked into a visually impaired woman. for the love of God, she's blind and he could still walk away without apologising. she then desperately called for help as she needed to go to the train station. for the love of God again, the crowd just brushed passed her, not even showing any signs of compassion. so little ol' me approached her and asked if she needs any help. "yes, thank you very much. could you please direct me to the mrt station," she replied in a sweet, calming voice. and when she said that to me, she was facing directly at me (probably due to her acute sense of hearing) and i could see her beautiful pair of eyes, despite the woman being visually impaired.

so i held her hand as she told me to do so and directed her to where she was heading. along the way she told me that touched my heart, "thank you so much young lady, i could tell that you are beautiful inside and out. and i'm not saying that because you helped me, but because you have this strong lovely presence about you which makes you beautiful." and right there and then, i feel that i have met my fairy godmother. i didn't tell this to anyone beacause i feel that i would rather keep the joy to myself.

that incident got me deep in thought, especially now after so much that i have gone through with only one person. the sense of sight is the most powerful gift that God has ever given to us human beings, why are we abusing it for seeing something that's just upright trashy. our eyes are so glued to the physical appearance of other Homosapiens, that what's beautiful deep within doesn't really matter anymore. sure, i know this is a cliché thing to say, but it's true (i would love to further elaborate it but somehow i rather not, as i would eventually degrade these people).

i hate the way society stereotype different classes, gender, race, religion, etc of people, despite some being true, but i really pity the minority whom are judged based on their stereotype group. i feel that i am a victim of such, just because i am rather petite and awkward at times and rather not show how affluent i actually am, people just think lowly of me. like, so what if i was an IJ girl and i can connect better with girls, i'll just be a lesbian all my life then. yes, just go up to that girl with the cute buns and ask her out.

seriously i am so pissed till i'm breaking down to tears, i feel rather wasted and just drained from my daily activities, the guilt inside me for not spending time with my maternal side of the family is just piling up as i did not even spend any time with them since they got here and its damn rare that i get to see them. but most of all, i am turbulently vexed for letting things gone too far and too out of hand to the point of disappointment, where i just feel that i lost myself.

the sense of sight is so beautiful to me, as upon stepping into my house, i saw my little cousin and baby brother playing like there's no worries in the world, so carefree like a bird, it so enchanting to see the joy in their faces. i wished everyone was like that, if it were, the whole world would already be a fairytale with a happily ever after. i hope that God could give me more depth to what i am already visualising thorugh my eyes, for i hope that i would able to see and stay away from the things that could simply harm me, cause right now i just feel so frustrated with myself.
and i could feel a big fat i told you so from my girlfriends any moment.

if i would ever met the visually impaired woman again, i would love to thank her and tell her that she's beautiful, because for once in my seventeen years of existence, i truely felt beautiful, and no one else can take that feeling away from me.



'suddenly i see this is what i want to be'

Messy

as if i never felt any miserable lately, i just did, with thoughts of a could be in my life. i screw things up easily by being so unsure and unconfidant about myself, constantly being fickle minded, thus creating a big jumble mess in brain.

so anyway, some might already have known that i'm in the 5th student council, and i am the assistant in-charge of the addams family (vans being my i/c). we had to draw n paint our clan flags and boy was it messy, with paint all over the floor and all. i was hopping my way through a maze of paints, flags and people, trying to be as graceful as i can be BUT in the process, without noticing, i stepped on a paintbrush which flickered pink paint at sabrina. i too had paint all over, thank god thinner was provided.

i think painting flags is still the messiest.
oh and my mom's side of the family came over to stay for 2 weeks plus plus. i love tham loads - they're the fun bunch compared to my dad's side of the family.



'can anyone help find my way'

Summer Love

this summer holiday has been really good to us - everyone is falling in love, tell me how can i not feel left behind. i painted an imagery in my mind while listening to nicole scherzinger's baby love, a rather sweet song by her, and i could picture all of my friends with their beloveds on a sandy white beach dancing, swaying, moving to the song mentioned which i would sing to them on stage with a band behind me as the sun is setting. there's joyce and jordin, L and C, my girlfriend and her crocodile, sara and kenneth, michelle with no. 5 or twelve (she gets to pick), and melvin and his girlfriend.


so when the music by the band starts to play, i would start to sing :

I remember like it was yesterday
First kiss and I knew you changed the game
You have me, exactly, well you want it,
And I'm on it
And I ain't ever gonna let you get away
Holdin' hands never made me feel this way
So special, boy it's your, it's your smile

We so in love
La la la la
YeahWe so in love
La la la la la
And I just can't get enough
Of your
La la la la la
Yeah we so in love, love

I want you to know
You are my baby love, my baby love
You make the sun come up (Oh boy, oh boy)
You're my every, everything that I could ever dream of
You are my baby love, my baby love
You make the sun come up (Oh boy, oh boy)
You're my every, every, every, everything

Been a minute and we still holding it down
Butterflies every time you come around
You make me, so crazy
It's crazy, oh baby
And I don't ever wanna be with no one else
You're the only one that ever made me melt
You're special, boy it's your, your style

and the part when will.i.am starts to rap, my main squeeze would come up on stage out of nowhere, rapping it for me, as i gaze into his lovely eyes, saying :

You're my always and forever
You're my sunshine
On my mind, constant
Think about you all the time
You're my everything

You my new school (love)
You my old school (love)
And it's so true
You're the one I'm thinking of


i know i have a vivid imagination, but it makes my toes tingle and the feel-good-feeling inside when i witness my friends one by one falling in love.



'you are my baby, baby, baby, baby love'

Class Outing !